Three (3) Aspects of a Lover - Part 2

If a person can find everything that he needs in one place,
that person will stay there for there is nothing else to look for.

I have mentioned in Part 1 of this article, the 3 things to keep in mind in order to keep the love burning. These (3) aspects are:
* Psychological / Mental Aspect/Needs
* Emotional Aspect/Needs
* Physical Aspect/Needs

Note : For women, sometimes, an additional aspect may be present:
Financial/Material Aspect/Needs.
Let's face it! Women would need somebody to take care of them, someone who can be a good provider.


How did I come up to this? Let me Explain.

Psychological / Mental Aspect/Needs
Have you ever been into a relationship that made you feel like you're going crazy? Not for the person but about the person; because of the person. You can't focus on what you're doing. You can't concentrate because you are so worried.
Where could s/he be? What is s/he doing? Is s/he being a good girl/boy?
Or even
S/he might get mad. We might quarrel. I need to report! S/he's not gonna like this!

If you have been through any of this, then you didn't have Psychological/Mental stability in the relationship. You probably gave up already. And even if not yet, then my question is Until when can you take this?
You see, if you have stability in this aspect, then you are comfortable, without fear, without worries. It's because you know s/he loves you. S/he respects you. S/he will not do anything that may hurt you. S/he will understand. You simply have faith.
You so much believe in the love you have for each other that you almost do not get jealous. Now, don't get me wrong! I said almost.

Of course, you get jealous from time to time because if not, it's like saying "I don't care!" But when you do, it's not because of paranoia but simply just because you do. And because your jealousy is not the bad type, you are comfortable in talking about it without even feeling mad/angry. This type of jealousy I'm talking about is sweet jealousy. The type of jealousy that you even joke about it.

If you feel this comfort and confidence with each other, then you are Psychologically and Mentally stable. The Psychological/Mental Aspect/Needs are met.


Emotional Aspect/Needs
Do you remember the courting days? The days were you were still getting to know each other? The day you suddenly thought about each other which then put a smile in you face, like crazy?
Those were the days you felt so infatuated! So In-Love! You shivered just by having eye contact. Your days were complete just by hearing the voice or reading a message from him/her. You felt electrified when even just your hands got contact. It felt great, didn't it.

Well, that's scary! Why? Because all of these questions where in past tense.
You should still be feeling that right now.

You are emotionally stable if you feel love and care for the person, and most importantly, you also feel loved and cared for! Well, not unless you value hypocrisy and still believe in the martyr kind of love, you do need to feel loved and cared for. If you beging to have doubts and question if s/he really loves you, or still loves you, then, more probable than not, you are no longer emotionally stable.

You should not feel hurt. Whether that be your pride is hurt, your ego is hurt, your feelings are hurt, and bottomline is, your emotions are hurt. If you feel this, then your emotional needs are not satisfied. Because when you feel this, you don't feel loved and cared for anymore, right?
If you hate this feeling, then keep in mind that your partner would not want to feel this too.

There is no "perfect" relationship and from time to time, you would hurt each other. But your ability to get back on track and make your partner feel you love and care for him/her is the important thing. However,
if you hurt your partner emotionally constantly, then this may totally ruin the stability even if you always get it fixed. A broken glass can still be superglued, but the cracks would not be healed. And if you continously break it then glue it back, then there will be a time that you cannot put the pieces back together anymore. Give your partner the Emotional satisfaction that s/he needs. Everybody needs it!


Physical Aspect/Needs
Let's accept the fact that all of us, even women, has physical needs! It just depends on how deep is the relationship already to know what kind of physical needs are applicable. "Men are Pigs". That's mean! It's unfair! It's judgemental! We do need that, of course! But that's not all we need!

Let me first clarify what this aspect is about.
Physical doesn't only involve the genital parts. Holding hands is physical. An embrace is physical. A kiss is physical. Sitting closely together is physical. Men need all of that! Even women do! Not only the 3 letter word you have in mind! If that's the only thing you had in mind, then maybe You're one of the pigs!

We all need physical contact! Even just a simple cheek to cheeck will do!
It's kind of ironic but this is actually the least important aspect of all. How come?
Even if you satisfy your partner' physical needs everyday, even every hour, even if it's the 3-letter-word you give, I guarrantee you, IT WILL NOT KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP!

I've seen a lot of people who were very active with their physiologies but they still didn't end up quite well. Why? Because that's all there was! It's not enough! Satisfying your partner physically is always a plus, but doing just that then hoping they won't look for another 'option' or a 'new experience' will simply not work.


YOU NEED TO SATISFY ALL THREE!
They are all interconnected. Every one of them is essential.
You may give your partner all the confidence that you're not gonna cheat and really not do it. But if they don't feel loved and cared for, it will not be enough!

You may make your partner feel how much your love and care is, but if they always worry or you give them headaches, it's still not enough!

You may give your partner the best physical experience ever and satisfy all their fantasies, but they just feel the physical without the feelings to it? It will not work!

It may even be the combination of any two, but with one being left out, IT IS STILL NOT ENOUGH!
Admit it, if you're that person, you would need all of them too, right?


The 50/50 rule.
Now here are the great questions:
What if I already gave everything but s/he did not return it back?
I tried my best to satisfy all three but it still did not work?
I did all three but it still was not enough?

Oh! Come on now! If you really did, these questions will not even exist.
Probably, you missed something! How sure are you that you really satisfy all three?

"It's not gonna work because s/he's simply just a jerk/bitch!"
Then maybe s/he really is. But it can't be possible that 90% of all the people you were with are like that!
How unlucky can you be if all relationships you had ended up the same?
If it did, then look at the common denominator: Is it them? or maybe it's you!
These were different people, but you are still you! You are the common denominator.
SOMETHINGS IS MISSING!
Be aware of what is, then understand why. That's the only way you can take action.
You need to identify the problem before you can solve it, right?

"...Doing the same things over and again, and expecting different results is stupidity!..."

If you really do believe that you really really gave everything, then learn from it.
With the principle "Practice what you preach. Change yourself before you change others.", I believe in that you need to know how to love your self before you can make believe that you can love others.

Do not love your partner more than yourself! Too much of anything is not good!
If you can disregard your own welfare, how can you make me believe that you can take care of others'?

What I believe is the 50/50 rule. In my opinion, this is the right kind of love.
Love your partner like how you love yourself. 50/50!

Loving yourself more than them is kind of selfish.
Loving them more than yourself is foolishness.
But loving them and taking care of them like how you love and take care of yourself is fair, just, and right!
You are not Jesus Christ and you cannot die on the cross the way he did.
And even him would not want you to waste the life that he gave you just because of the stupid love you have for him/her.
You're also not the parent so you can't even compare the parent's love for its child.

Ask yourself? Do you love yourself?
If you do, how do you love yourself?
You don't put yourself in danger, you don't want to be hurt, you don't want to be lonely.
Do you agree?

If you do the same love for your partner, then everything follows!
You don't put them in danger, you don't want them to be hurt, you don't want them to be lonely.
Do you agree?

50/50!


To summarize:
Keep your lover. Make Love stay.
And to do that, you just need to know the different aspects that keeps the flame burning.
Missing any one of it may and will pose problems.

But however you want to do it, do not forget that you're just human!
Love your partner like how you love yourself. You satisfy their needs like how you want
your needs satisfied. You keep this in mind, and you can have a lasting relationship.

In case things don't really go as how you wanted it,
take it easy, buddy. Some things are just not meant to be.
The important thing is you experienced a wonderful love and it would not be the end of you.
It is because no matter how painful it can be, you still just loved equally.
You love yourself too! And that will give you strength to get up, learn from it, and move one.
This is your path to happiness.